G’bye…

Originally written and posted shortly after her death, two years ago now.

I lost… a friend? a companion? a pet? a cat?

I dunno. Folks that have pets can understand. Your pets tend to be more than just pets. And cats, well, if you’re not a cat person, you probably won’t get it.

I love dogs, and wouldn’t mind having one again some day… but right now cats fit my life better. If I don’t get home till late, or want to take off for a weekend, I can without worrying who’s going to let the dog out.

So I got not just one, but two. Well, I got one first. And we lived with two others. So when I was ready to move on, I figured I should have another to keep the first company.

The first was Panther. She was an all black kitten with huge ears that I got from an animal rescue type place. Then I got Tanner. He was a stray at the humane society, a kitten. Long white hair with tan splotches. Yea, I got real creative with the names, but they fit.

Panther would be 13 come September. Would. She made it to 12 1/2. Two weeks ago she seemed fine. For one of her age. She couldn’t jump as high as she used to, was moving a lil slower. Then the other Saturday I noticed, well, I didn’t notice her. Usually when I’m at my desk and such she’ll come sit on the back of my chair. Instead, she spent most the day on the couch sleeping. I didn’t think much about it really, it wasn’t that big of a deal, right?

Then mid-day Sunday, she still was just sort of laying around. But now I noticed her breathing was… funny. She was breathing in short, sharp breaths. Now I was getting… concerned. Monday morning she was unchanged, and I was able to make an appointment to take her into the vet that evening.

Got home from work, she still seemed the same so I packed her up and headed for the vet. After some poking, prodding, they decided they should hydrate her and do some bloodwork. If that didn’t point to anything then it would be chest x-rays. So it was home I went for a couple hours, then went back to see what was up before they closed up for the night.

Got back to the vet and her bloodwork was all pretty normal. White blood cell count was raised, but not overly so. Everything else was normal across the board. The xrays showed some … stuff… in her lungs and an enlarged lymph node around her heart. The vet, unfortunately wasn’t versed enough at reading xrays to know if this was.. well.. it was either a virus or infection… or cancer. They would need to send the xrays to a radiologist for review. To be safe, they sent me home with some antibiotics and said it can take about 3 to 5 days to hear back.

So for the next few days I stuck pills down her throat and tried to get her to eat and drink.

I couldn’t tell if she was getting better or worse. By Wednesday and Thursday her breathing had changed. It wasn’t the short breaths, they were… longer? I don’t know if I can say for sure if they were deeper or anything. All I knew for sure is it was different. Friday night the Vet called, they hadn’t heard back on the xrays yet. Said if she didn’t seem to be eating I should think about bringing her in and they could try to get some food in her. I figured I would see how the weekend went.

Saturday night … Panth was where she had spent most of the week. Under the bathroom sink. There’s a heater vent there. I figure she was just looking to keep warm. Just before bed I went to put the load of wash in the dryer and she wasn’t there. I went downstairs thinking maybe she was using the litter pan when I heard her… wheezing. I looked around and found her under the stairs… and I knew that was it.

She was laying there, all limp, her tongue hanging out as she was literally gasping for breath. I picked her up, came back upstairs and sat in the chair and just held her. Every time she tried to breath, her head would lift like she was looking to me, and there was nothing more I could do. Fifteen, maybe twenty minutes later, it was over. A few last wheezes and no more, I couldn’t feel her heart beat.

It was probably a half-hour or more before I could move again.

I don’t think it made a difference to her, but I guess I’m lucky I decided to put that laundry in the dryer before bed that night.

I miss her.

The head-butts. The begging for chips. The way she would come when I whistle the X-Files theme.

See more photos of Panther at photos.upmykilt.net

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